gratefully thanks

Dear JC,
How great I thank Thee for all You have done…
especially in my last long seven months vacation at home
many things happened, good and bad…
nevertheless they were nothing, compare to Your love!

JC, You knew…
I have been scheduled to join the ship last July…but it was canceled!
However, I did not know why…
I was so calm at that timeso relax…even laugh, no worry at all
Eventhough I realize, I am broke soon if no job to do
I just relied on You…believe that something good You have prepared for me!
…and the answers were just revealed a month ago

You touched my friend Rian in Prinsendam to contact me
He asked me to replace him in September not December as scheduled
Wow JC, it was great news though! I said okay…
Then he arranged his request to go home earlier to the head office Seattle
I just believe that if this one is Your will, no one can stop it!

JC,

one time in August my other fellow worker Komang from Prinsendam called me

Hey…your name appeared here, this coming September!

I explained him that I had called the agent in Jakarta about it, and…

there was no updated status for me than as scheduled in December!

Yet, he urged me to contact again and I did… still, the result was zero

JC…big questions filled my head

The agent said that the system is online between Seattle and Jakarta

But the truth was, my name appeared on the ship?

After explaining the situation to him, he agreed to send an email about the real status to the head office.

One day, I was checking my mail JC…

Rian confirmed that he already asked the exchange schedule…even he called me!

The head office agreed and rescheduled him to go home earlier

and put me to replace him on September 22

So…if this one was not by You, who can do better?

Then finally, the agent called me to schedule my re-medical checkup in Jakarta

JC, again…You showed me a miracle moment!

You knew, I had my previous medical checkup in the same hospital on May…

“Hello doctor, we meet again” I said to the physician when I entered his room

amazingly, without a complete physical examination, he gave me good result…wow!

Even the receptionist said how quick I was examined!

See, sometimes Your sense of humor shown…he…he…

Another occasion astonished me JC!
You know…when I came to the agent’s office in Jakarta
to arrange the Netherlands’s visa a day before the re-medical checkup,
I found out that…if I joined the ship last July,
I would still in the junior level than I should be!
I heard from my friend’s experienced, to remedial the status
took months and the salary of course would be lessen than it should be…Great thanks JC!

Dear JC,
I have been showered with an unconditional love…it’s Yours
You gave chance to serve You in church…gospel music, I love it!
You sent Your children to make my vacation so colorful…
Thanks for acquainted me with such great friends with their wonderful talents
Besides my friends in church who always support me to believe and serve You
You gave me cyber friends and thanks, some of them…I met in personal
Yunus Eka, my previous roommate and Jaya my work mate in Westerdam
who urged me to make a friendster,
from them I knew about friendship and high tech he...he...thanks guys
Bless Yunus’s families in Malang who had welcomed me
when I went there to visit, nice families!
Ros Maria, my first blogging friend.
Thanks for the support to update my blog and allowing me to repost your appendectomy valuable experience.
Thanks as well for sharing me your ‘stories’… I learnt a lot girl! Regards to bang P
Agus Edditag and Aroeng Binang, my first gurus in blogging space!
Your tutorials help me much to be a blogger mania
Riena Kusuma, a girl with tender heart and longing for Your presence everyday
From her I learnt about how to love You,
surrender and rely on Your will every time.
In addition, we have the same vision to witness about Your great loves in life…
we pour out them in the testimonial, let it be blessing to others…
from You to the world for Your glory!
Great thanks to see her wonderful and warmth families and friends,
they have been huge blessing for me
Great thanks also to ‘my cousin’ Dee Hapsari, who helped me to edit some of my articles
to be easy to understand and meaningful,
a nice friend who accompanied me when I was in Malang
Such great talent you have Dee, keep it up!
My great thanks JC to Trinity my new spiritual sister and friend,
a creative blogger with inspiring stories, down to earth and easy to understand.
A lovely wife and caress mom to her family,
and I am sure a great and loveable daughter to You Lord
Sister, you have been great blessing for sharing me
the true meaning of ‘love’ with your summary ‘Bagaimana Saudara tahu Saudara telah jatuh cinta’
Yet, I am sure it's happening to me…
and sister, your blog is our favorite, keep blogging!
Chubbycheeksillustration, made by my high school’s friend.
Her loves to God always amaze me…no wonder God blesses her wonderfully.
Nice blog and inspiring though!

Dear JC,
My journeys are still rolling…
More over, I was speechless to know that You are making my dream come true…
I thought it was gone when I noticed I was canceled to join the Rotterdam in July
Still, Europe is my journey on my next assignment with Prinsendam
I surrender all my life and the ‘great’ plan next year…
Let Your wills be done unto me!
Traveling my life with You as the Captain is always wonderful
Through all good and bad circumstances, You make them all beautiful!
From that on, let me be an open letter to the world about You
Write more and more about You
Live my life in other great miracles You give
to experience the lives…

JC,

With deepest love,

stefanusfajar

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I LOVE YOU JC (part 2)

Lie back, daughter, let your head
be tipped back in the cup of my hand.
Gently, and I will hold you.
Spread your arms wide, lie out on the stream
and look high at the gulls.
A dead-man’s float is face down.
You will dive
and swim soon enough where this tidewater
ebbs to the sea. Daughter, believe
me, when you tire on the long thrash
to your island, lie up, and survive.
As you float now, where I held you
and let go, remember when fear
cramps your heart what I told you:
Lie gently and wide to the light-year
stars, lie back, and the sea will hold you.

(First Lesson, Phillip Booth)


Dear JC,
As a man who is well-acquainted with sea
I learn many things from a deep, vast ocean..
It’s like life in analogy..
Tide, storm, sunshine…
Sorrows, joys, and even humors…
Every single thing has its own wisdom inside…
Now I’m writing to You…
telling how You create me as a strong sailor through rough wind and abating storm..

Ha…ha…ha…
Ooops, I’m sorry JC, I was laughing, but I was not laughing at You.
It’s just…uhm… sometimes I think You’ve got good sense of humor.
Even in bad circumstances experienced by Your sons.
Like what I have experienced so far.
JC, I know You have a good ability in putting lessons about life in any kinds of situation.
Laughs and tears are provided to enrich human’s life perspectives.
All are means of showing Your caress….
Now, I’m facing hardship in life, but thanks JC I still can laugh because….
I know You always be with me…
Never let me alone in any circumstances….
I remember…six years ago I was through a circumstance by which I changed my point of view.
Since then I know the One to whom I trust and ask for strength whenever I’m weak.
You share Your optimism to see problems as challenges in life.
“So, with You I can do a lot of things.” (Phil 4:13)

Dear JC,
Let me trace back to what happened to my family several years ago.
It was about how my family got the emotional bound between the members.
It was my older brother’s girlfriend You used to show that…
love between family members is precious thing in life…
My brother loved her with all his heart, even he helped her financial problem by giving her money to pay her college–fee and also gave her family capital to set their shop..
But what had she done to him?
She loved another man when my brother was on duty on the ship.
How could she do that, JC?
It was a long relationship to throw away…
But he always trusts in You and believes that everything will be ok if he leaves everything on Your hands….

Dear JC,
A couple of years later, it happened also to me…
I broke my 10–years relationship with a girl I loved..
However, I consider it as something worth learning.
It really means a thing for me..
Love, laughs, tears, caress….are things which do not deserve to be thrown away..

Ha..ha..ha..anytime I remember that I question myself…
……why should I cry out loud……
……why should I loose weight……
……why should I loose my appetite……

Dear JC,
I learn from those bad circumstances that
Since then each member of my family tries to reach each other's hands
to strengthen those who are weak….
You make my family is closer to each other…
Pray together in Your Almighty name…
Share laughs and tears…
Although distance does us apart…
I still remember what is said by my mother:
If there were a writer whose will to write our stories, there would have been a good family drama to watch on TV!
Now on, from what we experienced in the past, we can help others whose the same problems..
Thanks JC for the opportunity to learn the cruel side of life so that we can offer hands to help others…

Dear JC,
Now, I come across with another bad circumstance…
On July 17th I should have been on the ship doing my job…
seeing Europe and Latin America as I always dream about…
But suddenly………………………………………………………………………………
My name disappeared from the list of crews who will join the sail.
Emails have been sent to the Headquarter, but I’ve got no certain answer for it.
Shocked….confused……but I wonder why I just laugh at it.
Though I realize that I’ve been five months on vacation
and slowly I’m broke for there’s no job to do!
I messaged my cell leader, my best friends, and also my prayer troops,
telling them what happens to me…
And I’ve got the same reply:
..maybe this is the time God lets you find your soul mate before sailing……
Ha…ha…ha…this is what I love about You JC…
Behind all sorrows, there must be something given as reward.
You never let us down….
“There which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all of God has prepared for those who love Him.”

(1 Corinthians 2:9)

Dear JC,
I remember when I let my beloved one go a few years ago…
You show me this precious Scripture:
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.” (Hebrew 12:5-6)

Is this what You want me to learn, again?
You disciple me, You make me a man, a grown-up man..
Not a spoiled boy who always gets what he wants and cries if he doesn’t get what he wants…
Is this the way You get me into my manhood?
Although the bad circumstances sometimes made me cry, made me loose my mind but….
As long as I’m with You, I will be strong…
Let them challenge me!
I’m not afraid anymore because I know You always be at my side…

Dear JC,
Teach me how to cope hardships in life…
Mould me to the shape that You want me to be…
Give me strength….
Give me Your eternal Light….
Hold me tight…
Let this humble man face his life challenges…
Conquer life by the power from You, Lord…
not from my own might I can bear the burdens…
Let Your wills done!


From the deepest love to You, my JC
stefanusfajar

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I LOVE YOU JC

Dear JC,
Today I was thinking about what I had been through in these 31 years.
July 11, 31 years ago, You let me see the world for the very first time…
You also gave me the most wonderful present in my life, a twin! It’s a rare gift, right?
Not everyone gets as precious present as what I got from You.
So, it’s the way You show me Your gracious love.
I got along with wonderful childhood when my family and I lived in Jayapura.
Although I don’t remember what I experienced when I was there, but from the pictures I know that we were so happy when we had a vacation with the whole family on a beach there.

Dear JC,
You really know that when I was a small kid I could not stand doing things which were considered dangerous.
Do You remember JC, where I got the scar on my forehead?
The scar is like that on Harry Potter’s forehead.
One day, when I was a toddler I fell down on a rocky street when I was running after my uncle who was on his scooter.
I do really know if You had not caught held my hand I would have been more badly injured. Thanks for the scar which always reminds me of that unforgettable moment.

Dear JC,
When I was 5 years old, You sent Your angels to guard my family to move from Papua to Solo, a small town in which I spent my youth.
You put Your hand on my mother’s and my aunt’s hearts to calm them down when I ran from one seat to other seats when we were flying high above. I kept making them worried of my running here and there, he…he…
JC, do You remember my neighbor, Miss Nining?
Was I so cute so that she always lingered around me?
Do You also remember that I was about to loose my right ear because of her?
One afternoon, I was too excited riding my little bicycle without having an additional wheel.
However, she kept worrying on the way I rode my bicycle. She ran after me to guard me so that I wouldn’t fall down from the bicycle.
Unfortunately, this frightened me a lot because I was still nervous.
I tried hard not to hit her, but …….the accident happened!
When I was trying to avoid her I hit the freshly-cut bamboo fence and it cut my right ear.
AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH, JC it hurt me…I couldn’t help seeing the running blood.
I left my bicycle and run to my mom at home. She banded the wounded ear.
Do You still remember what I did after that JC?
I was back to my little bicycle and played around…he…he…what a kid!
Thanks JC for Your love through my mother’s hands…

Dear JC,
You taught me many other lessons in my elementary school time.
I remember You had Your angel catch me from another accident.
I fell down on a street with slippery asphalt scattered around when I was chasing my friends.
At that time, I knew that You sent Your angel through my teacher’s hand, Mr. Roesdianto.
He helped me to stand up and banded my injured chin.
JC, You also granted my twin brother and me to have chance to win a traditional dance competition in a province level, but of course it required night and day labor.
I know JC, You had given us the smallest amount of Your strength to put forth our best effort to be the winner. What a Gracious Lord! Thank You….

Dear JC…
I still remember, at the same time 19 years ago when I was in the 6th grade in elementary school, my twin and I asked our mother to make traditional cakes to be brought to school to celebrate our birthday. She made lots of lontong and pastels for all our teachers and classmates. I was worrying all the time to wait for the celebration, so that I couldn’t concentrate on the lessons given by the teachers. Was everything under control? Was everything well-prepared? Would there be anything bad happen? Such questions occupied my mind.
Finally, the breaking time came!
Mr. Tukimin, our teacher, gave us an announcement that there would be an immunization program for the 6th grade students. The program would be carried out right away.
Oh, we were all surprised because we had such a program previously. Some of the students started to worry…especially those who were afraid of being injected.
Voila, suddenly Mr. Tukimin brought in a basket full of food! Hahaha….it’s a gorgeous time I’ll never forget! Thanks JC for Your sense of humor!

Dear JC,
It was my time in junior high.
Do You still remember when You saved me from the other accident?
My school was quite far from home; therefore, my parents bought me a bicycle.
One morning, I was in hurry to go to school and the traffic was terribly crowded.
On a T-junction, I made a sudden turn after passing a motorcycle……aaaand…BOOM!
The motor cycle hit me. I fell down on the street with my bicycle was over me.
The man with his wife and child on the motorcycle were ok, but he got mad at me.
He shouted at me with swearing words! He blamed me for the accident.
JC, I know that again Your hand fell over his wife’s heart.
She calmed her husband down and asked him to continue their ride.
I didn’t get bad injures. But it was scaring experience somehow.
Thanks Lord for Your saving me again that time…

Dear JC,
The time of my manhood was putting forth its buds.
It was time when I was in the 2nd grade of senior high.
I got involved in a Sunday School activities to serve You.
Lord, You gave a chance to get acquainted with a beautiful girl with whom I shared my laugh and tears.
She was so gorgeous! She sparked my world!
Together, we served You, prayed in Your name.
We supported each other and prayed for our families together.
But, it only lasted in 10 years. We decided to have our own way.
JC, although it hurt me a lot, it gave me insights about woman, life, love, and caress.
JC, I believe in Your plan of having me in Your perfect time to unite me with my soul mate in a holly marriage.
I do really trust in Your beautiful blue print of man’s drama!

Dear JC,
Now I realize how a Gracious Lord You are to me!
I cannot depict Your Love to me into a single word.
Your eternal Blessing, Your Caress, Your protection, Your Guidance, Your miracles.
You touche me, You forgive my sins, You grant me to be Your son.
You strengthen me whenever I’m weak, You comfort me,
You show me the way whenever I get lost
You always grant me miracles in life while I never ask You any of them….

Dear JC,
I am ashamed of what I have done to You!
I’ve promised to be with You all the time, but many times I forget You.
Lord, I’ve hurt You….
You have granted me with a beautiful name, Stefanus, which means a man who is being crowned, a man who is full of the Holly Spirit and strong faith…but who am I?
I’m nothing but a dust, a man who often forgets about You.
Again, You never let me far from You by sending me friends who always reminds me of Your eternal Love and Caress.

Dear JC,
I have nothing to fulfill my promise.
I can give nothing in return of Your gracious Love.
But, please don’t let me far from Your warm Light or take the Holly Spirit from my soul…
I need You...
I can’t live without You…

I thank Thee for all You have done to me...
Lift me up from the darkness…
You never let me deserted…
You always be with me whenever I need You…
You have already arranged beautiful plan for my future…
You grant me with blessing and miracles...
Lord, let me be like You...
You’re truly awesome!
In Your hands, I surrender my life…

July 11th, 2007
From the bottom of my heart.
For You, my beloved JC.

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God is my Shepherd and my Hope (part 2)

The college ages should be the exciting times for youngster, times to express theirself, times to prepare their future. I should do it as well, keeping what God’s given to me, but…I let myself destroy it!

It began with my over protected father about man and woman relationship. He didn’t agree about my relationship with Bayu, my first love. In about 6 years long we had our relationship, but my father never opens his heart. He didn’t want us to get along…it hurt me, made me to resist anything he wants…

Until in 1998 I met someone who wanted to get along with me, but in destructive way. Since I was with Yudha, my life was a mess; I started to tell a lie to my parents, neglecting my college, and forgot about my faith to the Lord. Days by days, my life went to the darkness, it was about going to crashed!

My mother realized about the changing of my lives, she saw that I was different, I was not me anymore…I was not her beloved daughter she was given birth.
I didn’t know what was happened to me, felt empty…I just live on my own life.
One day, she asked me to attend in the retreat services in my church, it changed my lives. In the retreat, my mother put her hands on me, cried and prayed…I didn’t know what the prayer was about, but I felt something happened inside me. Many voices…powers tried to drag me in their side. Since that moment, I encountered many experiences.

I met Bayu again one time…I felt terrible and I didn’t know why, I started to hate Yudha and wanted to leave him. I knew I chose the wrong path, but I had to go back…
We’re in a bad argument when I said about my decision to leave him. He didn’t want to leave me, and swore that my lives would be terrible without him; I would never be succeeding without him…even in getting a job.

But I made up my mind, I was not afraid about the curses.
I knew that My Lord has forgiven me; I have powerful Lord who owns my life. There’s nothing can touch me, He will protects me and gives me a way out…my future is on His hands. I heard from my friend in college that Yudha used the darkness power to get along with me. He tried harder to get me back to be his lover. Many paranormals were hired to grab me; they worked in the same time and from every side.
Thanks God, it didn’t work on me. I called His name again and again…every minute…seconds I surrendered my lives to Him. Amazingly, the paranormal later on said that there’s a ring protection covered me, and could not be broken. Hallelujah…the power inside me is stronger than any spirits…

Almost four years long he tried. Many times when I was asleep, the demons tried to drag me down. I saw myself inside the darkness and they pulled me in…it’s hurt, I was just screaming calling to my Jesus. He did help me out; in Jesus name I’d been saved. Thanks God, since I was away from Yudha, I felt alive again and even I could finish my college in about 4 years and 3 months. Wonderfully, I got good marks as well.

I really realized God’s hands on me. When I worked on my thesis, from my Mentor Mrs. Yuli, she introduced me with someone who later on taught me to finish my thesis. It took only 1 month to finish it. When the thesis test come, He gave wisdom…I could answer all of the questions. Many students said that the test was so tense and very difficult, but amazingly…it’s easy for me. It’s so relax and enjoying. Praise the Lord!
Great thanks to my families that always stand by my side, lift up their prayers for me. Thanks to Mr. Agustinus Yudi, SH for your helps, a friend who always willing to teach me on my thesis, thanks to Mrs. Sri Wahyuningsih Yulianti, SH; Mr. Edi Herdyanto, SH and Mrs. Lusiana Marianingsih, SH; for all of your support…but above all, thank you my Jesus Lord!


THE BEST COULD BE ACHIEVED IF WE KEEP ON SETTING OUR EYES TO THE FUTURE WITHOUT NEGLECTING THE PAST AND ALWAYS GRATEFUL FOR THE PRESENT!
by PS.JOSE CAROL




composed by: Riena M Kusuma N, SH

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